Nostalgia seems to be lurking around the corner of every action of mine, nowadays. The smallest thing, a long lost file turning up on a laptop search, a route to a hitherto unread blog speaking of thoughts and feelings I shared in time gone by, and there i go down memory lane. Having chosen to leave home and family to pursue some long-held dreams(this is one word that ought to fly weightlessly, but has become bloated with all the associated connotation of success and ambition. I use in its ethereal sense), I was prepared for the occasional pang of longing for familiar company and comforts. But those, i assumed in all the arrogance of ignorance, would be easily warded off with a whiff of the Mediterranean flavours in the winds, and the riches of the academic pursuit. They have met every expectation I assigned to them, i believe, but them afore-mentioned pangs have proven to be unexpectedly sharp, and sustained.
The first week i spent in Saudi Arabia, i saw no animals on the roads, or at home. There were some cats inside air conditioned cars, but no ants, no birds and no insects to be seen. And then, we discovered a cockroach in the crack of the wall of the old building that stood next to ours. I thought it was a miraculous sole-survivor of the harsh desert, but my father informed me that the cockroach is the one species of life i could expect to find in any environment whatsoever. I have never confirmed this on the internet, but ive always associated with this creature, the possession of impenetrable defenses. Well, those pangs of home-sickness seem to be of the same species of survivors. Armed with the google chat window and the skype voice calls, i thought the war against this malaise was almost one-sided, but i was proved wrong at about the third month of my sojourn. Then i changed tack, and recruited thayir sadham with potato curry, and these simple weapons proved potent for a month or thereabouts. Now, I regularly employ the entire arsenal of research, cycling, sunny weather, new recipes, video chat, library cards, general sunniness of outlook, against this one clenched jaw that is the “miss ems”. It strikes with impunity upon every thing i hold dear, and mutates so freely that it defies logic at times.
Today I miss college, the fervour of every experience i associate with that period of my life. We, in the hostel, were a world unto ourselves. We shared our lives so fully and frankly, wore our emotions on our sleeves, and were so intertwined in our actions, thoughts and dreams that life was immensely rich. Looking back , I see a lot I am not proud of. Time was treated with shameful laxity, progress and focus were completely forgotten, and there probably was much that was petty and pointless. But never before, and never since, have I shared my world with so many kindred spirits with such unrestrained abandon. We, each of us, have formed new friends, forged new relationships, and are scattered widely over the world, and the old bonds have become like loose lifeless elastic in most cases. And as i sit here typing this out, I regret losing the simple strength of those friendships on the way to newer experiences
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